Returning To What Is True

In recovery circles there's an expression: "To thine own self be true." It comes from Shakespeare's Hamlet, where Polonius offers it to his son, but he didn't live by them. Notice the contradiction. We can know the right thing without living it. Understanding isn't the same as practice.

Which aspect of self are we being true to? Early in recovery, I didn't know to ask, or how much it mattered.

There's the self that's become warped by causes and conditions, bent by fear, anxiety, confusion, depression, a negative sense of self, and reaching outside ourselves to stand upright. We learned to wear masks, protect mind's distortions, and call it living.

Would it be helpful to hear that our True Nature was never warped or broken?

When my behavior contradicted my values and intentions, I could still say, "I'm just being true to myself." Error! What I was often being true to was my conditioning. Healthy discernment takes time. Self-honesty… Patience... and determined effort.

Carpenters have another meaning for "true." A board is true when it's straight. When it bends, it's out of true.

Wood warps because of uneven conditions, one side unprotected, the other protected. The warping isn't a moral failure. It's a response to conditions. Our distortion developed the same way. It made sense at the time.

Woodworkers know patience and support. Force alone doesn't restore what has become distorted. As the old Zen expression reminds us, "The crooked becomes straight."

For me, this has been a combination of the '12 Steps' and Zen, a Way of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual harmony. Not pressure. Not forcing an idealized self. Its been sitting, breathing, listening and noticing with consistency, within a community providing the conditions for seeing clearly.

Our True Nature isn't buried treasure waiting to be discovered. Being true isn't about defending an identity. It's recognizing what has always been present and learning to live in alignment with It.

So which self are we being true to?

Notice. Discern. Practice.

When we find ourselves out of true, we return.

Please... sit, breathe, listen and notice! Let the air reach every side.

一We Are the Practice Itself.