Resolving Internal and External Contradictions

Claiming to be in recovery while remaining at war with the people around me only feeds the dis-ease and un-ease of my own mind. It turns my life into a contradiction, a paradox that I end up living out with myself and others. Clean time and recovery aren't necessarily the same thing. I've been there and here, seen it and done it, and it sucks.

Living in the "negativity economy," constantly at odds with ourselves and others, is fundamentally incompatible with healing. Resentments, grudges, grievances, disappointments, self-loathing, regret, frustration, anger, and disgust... all that stuff eventually compromises the very heart of recovery. It's toxic as f*ck.

Recovery asks far more of us than abstaining from substances or destructive behaviors while continuing to provide safe harbor for the mind's suffering and turmoil.

Mason used to call that kind of ego "a cancer of the mind" that, without spirituality... an active change in our ideas and attitudes... eventually metastasizes.

My shorthand for that is simple: When we don't effectively address our dis-ease, we become vulnerable to being a "meat puppet" for whatever the mind comes up with to satisfy its anxieties, insecurities, and worries. Addiction mind doesn't know or understand the spiritual principle of 'generosity,' or have a willingness of offer 'grace.'

Recovery offers something different. It's an invitation to learn an entirely new language and way of being, grounded in transformational relating rather than transactional exploitation. We learn to cultivate a compassionate, honest relationship with ourselves, with the people in our lives, and with the world as it unfolds, placing healthy values and principles before the demands of the mind's personality.

At its heart, recovery is about awakening.

As Bo S. once shared with me, our deepest longings, our recurring dreams of who we truly want to become, may be glimpses of our Higher Power's will for us, however we understand that. And we can recognize something genuine in those glimpses because there's a feeling of Love.

Freedom isn't a noun... it's a verb.

一Dignity and Grace