One of the questions I ask myself on a regular basis is... Is what I'm doing right now, upwardly scalable (progressively healthy), a flat-liner (stagnant and kinda in a rut), or downwardly scalable (progressively unhealthy)?
On a regular basis, I intentionally rather than randomly reflect on this question; for every relationship that I have, including with myself. I do this so that I have the opportunity to intentionally rather than randomly water upwardly scalable relationships, which coincidentally tend to be super transformational. My effort is not to fail to appreciate growth connections, letting them stagnate or die, as a result of benign neglect.
On the other hand, downwardly scalable relationships... entropic... and somehow progressively unhealthy... I let go of; and quite frankly stop watering, hoping they somehow miraculously change. It was codependency that oftentimes got me to try and hold on to what was clearly not transformational and had a sense of being consistently transactional. Because of those roller coaster ride type relationships… The drama involved… the walking or living on eggshells... They can be exhausting and energy draining… Rather than energetically lifting. It's important to note, that's not to say that they or I are a bad person… We're just not in energetic harmony that's healthy. I may not be okay with them, they may not be okay with me, and that's okay.
As for the flat-liners. For me some relationships are just kinda "meh." Some things just are, and I'm not going out of my way to hang out with them or avoid them.
The ultimate point for me, is what my dear mentor Ruth used to say... "Stick with the easy one's... the people that love you... the people that you like what they're doing, and you appreciate them for being them, and it allows for sustainable growth and discovery." In other words she meant the one's that scaled upwardly, and made it easy to smile and laugh.
Ruth went on to say, "Always having to seek approval of others to validate our existence, trying to figure out if your saying the right or wrong thing or not, as we're leaping through hoops of fire isn't beautiful. Doing things like that can be a lot of work." True is true.
The invitation is to sit quietly, reflect on... perhaps write on how various relationships are scaling or perhaps not in our life. Conscious contact with our experience is conscious. When I'm unconscious, unmindful, and not clear, I have a habit of saying, "Where'd that wall come from that I just ran into. That shit hurt."
一We Are the Practice Itself