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Forgiveness and Amends as Developmental Tasks

Updated: Mar 8, 2022

Because of the prevalence and tendency towards condemnation, guilt, shame, shunning, indifference, intolerance, and blame within our society which is oftentimes maladaptive and mangled. Learning "Forgiveness," and authentic "Amends," as a developmental task has to be a "Thing."

Unattended, ignored, and pretended away unhealthy attitudes, and behaviors will keep human-beings sick and stuck in unmanageability. It's also true that unattended, ignored, and pretended away resentments and grudges will keep human-beings sick and stuck in unmanageability as well.

Without the skill and ability to forgive and make amends transformationally... healing tears in our relationships related to problematic behavior of the past, and also allow for a sustainable go forward in our present moment experiences, we usually find ourselves having the same conversations and/or experiences over and over. How many times has something difficult happened and the apparent solution was to pretend like the thing didn't happen, and just go on without meaningful resolution?

If nothing changes, nothing changes. Things are on the surface level of "Apparent symptoms," without going deep and meeting the causes and conditions that are generating the problems. I used to hate when my sponsor would say to me, "You're going to keep getting the same experiences, over, and over until you accept, respect, and take action on what you seem to not be authentically learning." Heating that would usually result in me yelling "Fuuuuuuccccccccck!" as I sat alone in my car. Today, I am deeply appreciative that I was told what I needed to hear, instead of would my insecurities would have preferred.

The reason that happens is usually that we can transactionally use forgiveness and amends as a type of painting over shit, decorate it, and call the issue "Fixed," but not honestly moving in a direction of healing as a result of not following through on embodying our values and principles.

The above said I personally know and understand what it's like to have a sense of "Moving forward," but what was really happening was that I was walking in a really big circle; without knowing it.

The above said the personal approach I've traveled, to learn "Forgiveness," and "Amends," as a "Developmental task," is known as the Eightfold path:

8) Sincere attentiveness, to allow for...

7) Sincere Mindful Presence, to allow for...

6) Sincerely upholding Ethics, Spiritual Principles and Values, to allow for...

5) Sincerely engaging our shared livelihood as community, leaning into and allowing for...

4) Sincere Actions, to allow for...

3) Sincere in Communication, to allow for...

2) Sincerity of Resolve/Intention/Aspiration, to allow for and result in

1) Sincere Understanding AKA awakening and clarity.

一Dignity and Grace

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