In my experience... equanimity and compassionate responsiveness is not living at the sake or mercy of intrusive thoughts that want to fix, manage, or control the experience or actions of another. Equanimity allows us to hold space with and for others, with tender solidarity, resting in unconditional positive regard. It's an open-minded presence that sees thoughts and feelings about what people are going through... sympathizing and responding with compassionate relatedness instead of reacting with pity.
As I get to meet... flow... dance... share... and journey with others... to the best of my ability... I intentionally hold my mind on what I appreciate about them. I do my best not to get distracted by behavior and actions that I might disagree with and perhaps find objectionable. I effort to recall my primary purpose... to be a friend and treat others, as I'd prefer to be treated... with dignity and grace.
When useless thoughts arise in my mind, I disregard them. When people say things that capture my attention, like a right hook from a boxer, I try to duck beneath it and not take it so personally by telling myself, "Though I don't like what people do, that doesn't mean I have to hate, shun or throw them away like human garbage."
When I'm tight, tense, or perhaps wrapped around the axel of thinking at others, I lose my usual resilience and composure quickly cause I'm scrambling and squirming. That's especially true when my sense of comfort is being overthrown, or I am holding an expectation I wasn't clear on or didn't initially notice within myself.
When that happens, like a mantra, I repeat over and over... "In this moment, I begin again. In this moment, I begin again. At this moment, I begin again. This moment is the first time this moment has happened. It doesn't belong to me. I am a part of, instead of apart from it, guided by my values, trying to live them to the best of my ability," In this way, purifying my heart and mind so that I'm not carrying so much luggage as whole and free as I can be in This moment, instead of some other moment that isn't happening.
一Dignity and Grace