There was a time when I wasn't particularly fond of the word "Humility." There was a negative mental association, because a lot of times in the same breath, I'd hear people say, "Those who are not humble will be humiliated." I was kinda like "Fuck That!" But at a certain point... Step Six to be precise, humility and what that meant was the centerpiece of conversation with my sponsor.
I was invited to look up the word... but to look past the normal way it was defined and into the Latin root of humility. I was surprised to see the root as "Humus..." to be of and connected to the ground. I was told by my sponsor, "Our Way is a practice of being grounded... rooted... in spiritual principles rather than character defects. Our goal as recovering addicts is to consistently live in harmony with our values, instead of in conflict with them, being the disease's ride and die, guy. Through humility, we get to stop being dragged by self-centeredmess, contradiction, and hypocrisy through the mud... against our authenticity and integrity, which for me was degrading cause I was giving ammunition to the disease to hurt myself. That wasn't an act of self-love, that's for sure.
Because of doing our work, we have earned a real choice... we no longer have to climb, and dangle in the tree-limbs of thought spirals, isolated and alone because we're acting out, a flunky for the disease."
To live grounded... from the position of my values... is liberation from self-inflicted suffering. The symptoms of humiliation... embarrassment... shame... guilt... self-loathing... self-hate... have naturally fallen away. There is no longer the persistent thoughts and feelings of being separated from my truth or something is perpetually fucked-off. I know this could sound crazy to some... but as a result of recovery... healing... I'm not craving for non-existence. As my mentor, Ruth used today... "Today, I love my life."
Just for today... living with realness, authenticity, and integrity I will live on the ground of humility, and experience the opportunity to appreciate and love my life.
實 | Jītsu | Realness... Truth... authentic nature.