Despite being in this body, 24/7 for my entire life, I'm still surprised all the time about what I don't know about myself, and how much I'm still learning. It's a process of endless personal discovery. I can't even say I'm an expert on my own experience, because my disease is capable of blinding me to reality. Such is the nature of progressive healing. In a weird way, it makes me really happy, cause I'm not done yet, and reminds me because I'm still learning, I'm truly equal to everyone else. The lessons are here for all of us if we're open to them.
An integral aspect of discovery is a result of the close relationships that I have with people in recovery. As long as I keep the walls from going up... don't allow my disease to get me to buy-in to turning my cheerleaders and supporters into enemies, or thinking "I got this..." the discoveries come easily... there's a flow.
It's only when the walls go up, indifference, intolerance, arrogance, or grandiosity sets in cause I'm not "Right-sized," that everything starts to think and feel like I'm constipated mentally and emotionally, and kinda jammed up. As one of my buddies says "When my mind closes and I'm letting the disease run me, things are about as bad as trying to pass a kidney stone. That's not the position we want to be in if we wanna be happy."
Just for today, our intention could be to have an open heart and mind... a curious mind... a there's no way I can know everything mind. In this way the portal to being humble... grounded is opened to us... and there's the possibility we're reachable and teachable... allowing us to discover new aspects of ourselves we didn't previously notice. As one of my friends said long ago... "over the years my story hasn't changed... by staying clean and remaining teachable, my understanding has changed, and for that I'm grateful."
教 | Kyō | To be teachable.