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THE UNSEEN IMPACT OF HABIT ON RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS


Our habits are often stronger and more influential than we realize. Acting from habit and routine is a subtle defense mechanism employed by the mind, keeping us asleep to the vibrancy of authentic reality and muffling our ability to spontaneously and creatively respond to the moment.


We're always interacting with reality, but often we're off-beat and out of sync with it because we overthink instead of 'vibing' with it, as my kids say. Depending on how much our default habits have dulled us, we might not notice this to some extent, simply going through the motions.


When discussing living by default and the energy of habit, it's crucial to specifically mention relationships. What makes relationships fun and exciting at the beginning? THE ABSENCE OF HABITS! There’s no worn path or repeated patterns yet. Each moment is a "Discovery Channel" experience. On the front-end we're exxplorers of the world and experiences of others, uncertain of what's next. There's no sense of "meh, we've already done this, I'm going to chill here." There’s a sense of deep appreciation, respect and even awe for many, and a willingness to try 'New' things. This value and principle are too important to overlook.


But give those same two people a few months, maybe a year, two, or even five years of close proximity without properly nurturing their creative experience of each other, and admiration can, through habit and autopilot relational dynamics, often turn into stagnation and depreciation. Harsh mind, argument mind, expectation mind harden rather than soften the ground of relationship. As the saying goes, "familiarity breeds contempt."

Eventually, the factors that brought the relationship together may vanish. The initial spark, lacking sufficient fuel, may fail to keep burning brightly. By not adding the healthy fuel of relationship creativity and shared growth, a rut, boredom, and 'soggy' energy can extinguish the fire. Why? Because of a commitment to meaningless rather than meaningful things.


More often than not, the effort is lukewarm and minimal, just enough to make a 'hook-up' seem reasonable, assuming sex is enough to "stay together" without actually being together. This leads to one or both parties lacking intrest or a viable way to turn things around, whether it's through a recovery program or some version of couples counseling with the intention of staying together. I'd also like to mention couples counseling in my direct experience can be useful for separating with kindness and compassion for oneself and others, espeically when there are children involved, trust me on this. Doing so can be a form of 'harm reduction' as the relationship dissolves and can prevent decades of resentment holding.


For this reason, the invitation is to pick one thing today and do it differently rather than out of habit or routine, and discover what happens. It doesn't have to be something massive. As my friend Noah says, "Instead of starting with the 100lb. weights, try the 5 lbs. first. With perseverance and practice, not just for ourselves, but every-thing and every-one, we can uphold spontaneity and creativity with ourselves, family, friends, co-workers or romantic relationships.


--Evolve Love with L/O/V/E

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