One Addicts Experience with Step Ten

There was a time in my recovery when I was kinda careless… even shallow in my attitude toward Step Ten. I got the basic idea… continue taking personal inventory, promptly admit when I f’d up, and keep it moving... motionless motion.

What I eventually noticed is that limited investment and limited depth produce limited results. I was going through the motions that ‘looked like recovery,’ but it wasn’t moving the bar much. I was still colliding with people, caught up in unnecessary dramas. It’s a damn shame when you’re in recovery but still playing a character in dramas we and others can needlessly create!

I was clean… but still tied up by the dis-ease, old ideas and attitudes… anxiety, negative sense of self, fear, and self-doubt. Being clean didn’t automatically = freedom from the suffering that had been driving my life… reacting thoughtlessly instead of responding through my values.

Something shifted when I stopped treating Step Ten as something I was supposed to ‘do’ and began approaching it as something I was learning to ‘live.’

Bly invited me to check in with myself during the day, instead of waiting til the end, because I could address challenges promptly instead of as a result of time delay. My day didn’t have to be a total derailment. We can stop digging holes for ourselves anytime we want!

Am I responding to reality, or reacting to the stories, fears, and insecurities in my head? Am I living through my values… or abandoning them?

Our personal inventory isn’t putting ourselves on trial. Recovery isn’t battering ourselves with bricks of guilt and shame! It’s recognizing how old conditioning influences our behavior without allowing it to grab the wheel.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that Step Ten isn’t just cleaning up yesterday’s mistakes. It’s learning to live in conscious contact instead of unconscious thoughtlessness.

Waiting until the end of the day was smart, but it wasn’t wise. Bly helped me learn to become a reliable friend instead of an unpredictable force… something that frightened people who loved me, especially my Mom.

The deeper practice is being someone others can feel safe with… not cause I’m perfect, but because I’m paying attention and taking responsibility for how I show up.

一We Are the Practice Itself