It took me a long time... years of reflecting inwardly... a lot of sit-downs and conversations in coffee shops with others about their own experiences with anger... to understand that what's usually beneath the surface of anger are feelings of sadness. Anger in my experience is feelings difficult to express coming out sideways.
That's why when people ask me about anger or show up asking for support on their "Anger problem," I ask... "what if what's really going on is you have a sadness problem, that tends to result in feelings of anger?" More than once, when I shared that the person burst into tears, understanding exactly what I meant.
For them, I invite exploring anger as a period or exclamation point at the end of a sentence. To get to the period or exclamation point of anger, it's helpful to ask ourselves, "what are the words, sentences, and paragraphs that led us to period or exclamation point of anger?" Usually in sitting an listening to their experience, it's pretty easy to see how they arrive in that mental and emotional state.
What's even more shocking for many people is that when they learn to meet the stored grief and sadness within their body and mind... the tendency towards anger naturally subsides. Step one in this sense could be... we admitted we were powerless over our thoughts and feelings of sadness, and when not met or resolved make our life unmanageable, tending to manifest and express itself as some form of anger. That's my experience.
一Dignity and Grace