Dealing with Shit-Posting Mind

A younger version of myself... in the first 10 or 15 years of recovery from active addiction... the early stages of Zen training and practice... spent a lot of time trying to add something to myself, trying to fill a space that thought and felt like something was missing.

A voice in my head that I nicknamed 'turd,' cause it likes to 'shit-post' at me, told me in my thoughts... if you become stronger, smarter, wiser, more lovable, more worthy, more secure, or more awakened, then you'll finally stop being so scared... insecure... and fearful.

Zazen gave me a window into some-thing different... some-thing that 'turd' mind could not anticipate or expect...

The problem is not that our life lacks anything. The problem is that our attention can become entangled in our thoughts, judgments, fears, and self-centered calculations.

The sun does not need to learn how to shine. A window only needs to be cleaned so that the light can enter.

Practice is not a matter of getting or becoming something special. For me, it’s been the ongoing work of letting go of what gets in the way of the reality that is already present... being overly deferential to the thoughts in my head.

Sitting vertical in the middle of what so-called "I" likes and don't like... successes and failures... being appreciated and depreciated... we begin to discover a stability that does not depend upon circumstances.

This isn't because fear disappears. It was because I was no longer organizing my activities around fear. Instead I was organizing around Love... Kindness... Goodwill... Friendliness... Generosity... Unconditional positive regard... Compassionate communication... and conscious and intentional action aligned with my values... to the best of my ability.

Mantra... the words and phrases that help us to cut through illusions and distortions projections and presented by thinking mind...

May I awaken to the life that is already sustaining me.

May I stop clinging to fear and return to what is here.

May I care for this life with sincerity and gratitude.

May I release the thoughts that separate me from others.

May I live this day wholeheartedly, for the benefit of all beings.

一We Are the Practice Itself