Approval and Worthiness

Zazen

In the past, way too many times, I confused approval with worthiness… with being lovable… with being loved. Somebody clapping for me or telling me what a great job I did was like getting a hit of dope.

As I started learning the way of recovery and healing... which is really the way of developing the ability to express friendliness with ourself and others consistently, I began noticing that approval is often conditional, transactional, and dependent upon performance, agreement, usefulness, or compliance.

Working and living a program of recovery, I came to realize that Love… in its healthier expression… does not disappear simply because someone is on the struggle-bus… disagrees… makes a mistake or has a mis-take… fails… or changes.

When we spend our lives chasing approval because without it we can't stand vertical, we slowly abandon ourselves trying to secure pretend belonging from others.

Approval asks us to become what others want or think we "should" be. Love… supported by authenticity and integrity… allows us to be natural.

一Dignity and Grace